11 Wedding Planning Commandments

So, you're engaged? Congratulations! Before you start climbing the walls and drowning in details, relax. Get a grip on what lies ahead. Start with the 11 Commandments for planning your "perfect" wedding. Then, move on to the other items, which will help you plan your wedding without losing your perspective, your mind or your credit rating.

1 It's your wedding. It's not your parents' or his parents' wedding and not a public occasion meant to live up to (or down to) others' standards. Listen to family, but hear yourself, too. Make your wedding personal by individualizing it with a style that's all your own.

2 Your wedding should reflect your deepest feelings about marriage and married life. How you plan your wedding demonstrates how you will live your life as a couple and within your family.

3 You should have a good time at your own wedding. Your wedding is not New Year's Eve -- with the pressure to have a good time, even if the gaiety rings hollow. Surround yourself with people you care about and with food, music, flowers and other elements that will make you feel good. Let your joy shine through.

4 Your wedding should be in keeping with your financial limits: your own, his, yours together, your parents' or his parents'. Set a budget and stay within it. Choose the best you can afford -- within your limits.

5 Pick a few details and concentrate on making them unusual: a special ceremony reading, an unusual wedding cake, flowers in a style you especially love, choosing your gown with your mother, making sure your vows reflect your sense of partnership.

6 If you tend toward the compulsive, obsess about only one thing at a time. During the planning stages, break large areas into smaller, more manageable portions. Think of the wedding reception in parts: the music, the dinner, the toasts. Remember, this is not a grand opera production with weeks of dress rehearsals.

7 Do everything possible beforehand so you can avoid the pressure of handling details on your wedding day. Delegate as many responsibilities as possible to others. Do a wedding-day schedule. Ask a friend to watch details, trust your mother or hire a consultant.

8 Work only with individuals you like and trust. Hire those whose skills you respect, and pay attention to chemistry as well. Trust them and leave them alone to do their best work.

9 Every marriage is a mixed marriage. He's male and you're female and beyond that most differences pale by comparison. Even if you're from the same neighborhood and belong to the same faith, you should define what's right for you and your families.

10 Don't invite Emily Post. Etiquette exists to make social occasions easier, not more difficult. Today's smartest couples are rewriting the rules with confidence, dignity and style.

11 Set aside family conflicts on your wedding day. Your brother-in-law is a jerk? Haven't seen your father for years? Can't stand your Aunt Thea? Give them a big hug and move on. Guests and family members will almost always reflect your loving attitude and add to your day's joy.

10 proposals guaranteed to get a Yes!

10 proposals guaranteed to get her to say yes, from the romance experts

• Send her on a treasure hunt
  Make her track you down with an intriguing and romantic list of hints (i.e. "meet me where we first kissed"). You (and the ring) are the treasure at the end of the hunt.
  

• Say it in a song
  Prove you'll do anything for her (even embarrass yourself) by singing your proposal in a Karaoke bar or with a private serenade beneath her window. "Now or Never" (Elvis Presley), "Let's Get Married" (Al Green), or "It Had to Be You" (Tony Bennett) are all good bets.
  

• Plil a publicity stunt
  Plil some strings and say, "Will you marry me?" on her favorite radio show, the local news, on a billboard, in the newspaper or on the scoreboard during a basketball game.
  

• Enlist an aphrodisiac
  Place the ring in her champagne, inside an oyster, or frozen in an ice cube or homemade popsicle. Of course, any proposal involving chocolate is a sure bet.
  

• Turn the Tables
  Women -- tired of waiting? Take the reins and pop the question yourself. This is a creative enough option on its own, but you can include any of these ideas for added dramatic effect.
  

• Recite your top 10 list
  Create a list of the reasons you want to marry her. Whisper them over a romantic dinner. Mail them -- one day at a time -- on postcards. Announce them in front of family and friends.
  

• Spell it out
  Write "Will you marry me?" with refrigerator magnets, in chocolate on a dessert plate, on the lawn in tea lights, on the sand during a stroll on the beach, or with glow-in-the-dark stars on the bedroom ceiling.
  

• Whisk her away
  Pick her up at work with a packed bag and tickets to paradise. Propose on the plane (arrange with the flight attendant to make an announcement), at the top of the Eiffel tower, or wherever you get up your nerve.
  

• Make her heart pound
  Hard-core adventure types: Propose while hang gliding, scuba diving, or river rafting.
  Weekenders: Pop the question on a mountain top, ski slope, or roller coaster ride.
  

• Propose on four paws
  Sounds sappy, but works every time. Ingredients include: a favorite pet - dog, kitten, duck, pot-bellied pig, etc., a big satin ribbon, and a ring.
  

How to improve your in-law relationships

Do you know that one of the most uncomfortable issues for newlyweds is how to address their in-laws? Do you know that giving and receiving wedding gifts involves a third step? Do you know that becoming a parent-in-law may throw one off balance? Leah Shifrin Averick provides these and other insights in her book, "Don't call me mom,how to improve your in-law relationships."

When Averick, a licensed clinical social worker became a mother-in-law twice in one year, she sought out in-law experts to understand what was happening to her, found none, and became one herself. Determined to understand and explain in-law relationships from two perspectives -- the adult child-in-laws and the parent-in-laws -- she interviewed 250 men and women of different ethnic, socio-economic, and religious backgrounds.

Her book, now in its second edition, published by Lifetime Books, Hollywood, Fla., is a compilation of vignettes and observations. An astounding finding was that despite cultural differences people have a commonality of in-law tensions which transcends culture.

Interviewees repeated similar themes which became the book chapter headings. For example, the provocative title, "Don't call me mom," refers to one of the first uncomfortable issues for newlyweds, how to address their in-laws. The words "Mom" or "Dad" are the most precious words in any language, and newlyweds may find it difficult to address another person with those names.

"Gift giving," a topic in-laws discuss, is specially relevant this month when sisters and brothers-in-law purchase wedding gifts. A wide gamut of emotions are evoked -- ranging from gracious generosity to hostile resentment -- when buying and giving gifts. Gift giving includes
three important segments

Tips to perfect wedding day skin

You wouldn't for to the gym once a year and expect to have a great body and the same applies to getting beautiful, radiant skin. Many brides make the mistake of waiting too late to get in one facial before the big day, when they should have started long ago. This approach doesn't produce optimum results and can often lead to pre-wedding disasters. If you want to plan for perfect wedding-day skin, expert skin care specialist and makeup artist, Jessica Anawalt of Anawalt Skin Care in San Francisco, offers these tips:

• Allow yourself at least three to four months preparation with a good skin care specialist. They may need to see you at least four to five times before your wedding day to find the right skin treatment regimen and to fine tune your eyebrows.
  
  
• Book your last facial treatment about 7 days before your wedding day. Too far in advance and your skin might look dull. Too soon and you might look red and blotchy.
  
  
• And remember, makeup should be the "icing on the cake." By making sure that your skin and eyebrows are your first priority -- your overall look will be one glowing with health, happiness and radiant beauty.
  
  

Small jeweled headpieces top bridal veil trends

While most brides think that gowns are the focal point of wedding attire, experts say another accessory is making a big comeback. The newest trend in wedding-day fashion is tiny pieces of hair jewelry plus newfangled veils.

When Ralph Lauren model Valeria Mazza married her Argentine sweetheart recently, she chose a simple tiara with long, detachable veil to wear over a sheath-slim gown.

When J. Crew model Annette Roque married NBC "Today" co-anchor Matt Lauer, she picked a dramatically short, lace-edged veil and headpiece to accent her sleek A-line dress.

Headware designer Toni Federici is one of a host of bridal veil designers who have built a national following for their headpieces.

When hair jewelry became a fact of life in fashionable streetwear, it filtered into bridal. Wearing jewelry in the hair, even in the middle of a busy work week, added a hint of glamour to a young woman's outfit, "and glamour," said Federici, "is what brides are all about." Meanwhile, hair jewelry has been a fact of bridal life in Europe for several seasons now.
Federici is helping to bring it to the states. She visited a cousin in Europe last year and made a point of checking out, in detail, Milan's best bridal salons. "I couldn't stop sketching in the plane coming back to St. Louis," Federici said. "The pieces were so tiny," she added.

"The drama came almost from accessorizing the accessory," she said of beaded tassels, pearled curlicues and other extras added to the crowns. They were unlike anything she'd seen.

Picture-perfect face for your wedding day

As a bride, you want to put your best face forward on your wedding day. Makeup artists give two words of advice: be prepared.

While many brides say that they want to "look natural" on this special day, seasoned makeup artists say that's a mistake. "Look, you're not going bowling. You're getting married," says Terri Daniels, an artist at a Denver beauty salon. "Brides need to wear some makeup. "

A makeup practice run is an absolute necessity, she says. "You don't want any surprises on the wedding day."

Many brides opt to have their preliminary makeup consultation/application done in conjunction with their engagement party. Daniels thinks this is a good idea.

"This enables them to get some feedback. They can see what others think of their makeup," she says. "Whatever they do, they shouldn't have a practice run and then go home and sit in their apartment by themselves. I tell them if nothing else, go to the butcher, the baker and see what they think of your look."

You will want to find a salon far enough in advance so that there will be no surprises, so you can try shades and make sure you are not allergic to products.

During a makeup consultantion, many things will be taken into consideration -- the color of the gown, flowers, accessories, your skin tone and your hair and eye color.

It's also important to take into consideration time and location of the wedding, says Marilynn Dworkin, another makeup artist. Is it an afternoon ceremony? An evening candlelight wedding? In a church or outdoors in the sunshine? A daytime wedding usually calls for a more naturally elegant look with subtle colors and minimal frosty shadows, she says. An evening ceremony can carry off more dramatic colors and makeup.

Dworkin offers a preliminary makeup consultation a week or two before the wedding. At this time, the artist looks at the bride's skin and coloring and decides on appropriate shades and colors of foundation, shadows and lipsticks.

"It's like a dress rehearsal for the makeup," she says.

The cost of the makeup consultation and on-location application (the makeup artist comes to the bride) starts at about $75 and can be as much as $500.

Soak away pre-wedding stress

If you're wedding day is right around the corner, it's time to find a way to relax your muscles and pamper your skin before the big day. The skin care experts at Amway, makers of Artistry skin care and cosmetics, suggest these tips to soak away pre-wedding stress:

• In the bath, we create our own private world. According to a recent
  study, 46 percent of women relax by taking a bath. This is a great time to
  delight in your favorite music, enjoy your favorite novel or even sing
  your favorite song -- it's your time to relax.
  
• Before you slip away into your warm respite, take a few minutes to
  prepare your body. A shoulder and back stretch help melt away tension
  and induce a deeper state of relaxation.
  
• The effectiveness of your stress-relieving bath soak is related to the
  water temperature. Because it corresponds with the body's natural
  temperature, 95-100 degrees is preferred. If you'd like to open your
  pores to encourage a detoxifying sweat, use water temperatures between
  100-104 degrees. Keep hot baths brief and follow with a cool shower to
  close the pores, restore the body to its natural temperature and help
  to retain body heat.
  
• It has been said that when body temperature and water temperature
  converge, the mind experiences a sense of euphoria. Using aromatherapy
  in the bath can make your bath relaxing or energizing, depending on the
  blend used. Aromas stimulate the olfactory sense, which sends signals
  to the brain. The brain then transmits messages that help promote a
  beneficial emotional and psychological response. To soothe and relax,
  try this recipe: 1 cup chamomile, 1/2 cup rose petals, 1 cup lavender
  and 1 cup lemon verbena. To energize, try this recipe: 1 cup Clary
  Sage, 1/2 cup Peppermint and 1 cup Rosemary.
  
• Use bath time to give your body the extra pampering it deserves.
  Soaking loosens calluses on feet and elbows and is an ideal time to
  exfoliate. People shed their skin 899 times during their lifetimes.
  In the bath, we are renewed; by sloughing off dead skin, we literally
  allow our inner selves to surface. Make sure to use a good moisturizer
  when you finish your bath for smooth, silky feeling skin.
  
• Give special attention to your face. Pampering needn't stop once you
  get out of the tub. Giving yourself a quick, refreshing mini-facial is
  a great way to cleanse and nourish the skin. Use Artistry Hydrating
  Masque for a surge of moisture to relieve dry skin. Relax while it
  works!
  
• It's time to take your mind off all of the last minute wedding details and
  focus on making yourself look and feel your best. After all, it's your
  special day and you deserve it!