11 Wedding Planning Commandments

So, you're engaged? Congratulations! Before you start climbing the walls and drowning in details, relax. Get a grip on what lies ahead. Start with the 11 Commandments for planning your "perfect" wedding. Then, move on to the other items, which will help you plan your wedding without losing your perspective, your mind or your credit rating.

1 It's your wedding. It's not your parents' or his parents' wedding and not a public occasion meant to live up to (or down to) others' standards. Listen to family, but hear yourself, too. Make your wedding personal by individualizing it with a style that's all your own.

2 Your wedding should reflect your deepest feelings about marriage and married life. How you plan your wedding demonstrates how you will live your life as a couple and within your family.

3 You should have a good time at your own wedding. Your wedding is not New Year's Eve -- with the pressure to have a good time, even if the gaiety rings hollow. Surround yourself with people you care about and with food, music, flowers and other elements that will make you feel good. Let your joy shine through.

4 Your wedding should be in keeping with your financial limits: your own, his, yours together, your parents' or his parents'. Set a budget and stay within it. Choose the best you can afford -- within your limits.

5 Pick a few details and concentrate on making them unusual: a special ceremony reading, an unusual wedding cake, flowers in a style you especially love, choosing your gown with your mother, making sure your vows reflect your sense of partnership.

6 If you tend toward the compulsive, obsess about only one thing at a time. During the planning stages, break large areas into smaller, more manageable portions. Think of the wedding reception in parts: the music, the dinner, the toasts. Remember, this is not a grand opera production with weeks of dress rehearsals.

7 Do everything possible beforehand so you can avoid the pressure of handling details on your wedding day. Delegate as many responsibilities as possible to others. Do a wedding-day schedule. Ask a friend to watch details, trust your mother or hire a consultant.

8 Work only with individuals you like and trust. Hire those whose skills you respect, and pay attention to chemistry as well. Trust them and leave them alone to do their best work.

9 Every marriage is a mixed marriage. He's male and you're female and beyond that most differences pale by comparison. Even if you're from the same neighborhood and belong to the same faith, you should define what's right for you and your families.

10 Don't invite Emily Post. Etiquette exists to make social occasions easier, not more difficult. Today's smartest couples are rewriting the rules with confidence, dignity and style.

11 Set aside family conflicts on your wedding day. Your brother-in-law is a jerk? Haven't seen your father for years? Can't stand your Aunt Thea? Give them a big hug and move on. Guests and family members will almost always reflect your loving attitude and add to your day's joy.