Monday, May 26, 2008

Getting the Wedding You Want

How can weddings -- among life's most joyful occasions -- be so complicated? Why do families fight, brides and their mothers argue, and couples wish they could elope?

Some problems can be traced to communications issues and conflicting expectations. The bridegroom, for example, may envision a small, stress-free celebration -- although he never says so -- and is shocked by the amount of time his fiance devotes to planning their wedding.

The bride's family, on the other hand, may believe in lavish, exuberant weddings and think anything less would look shabby. With all the wedding wishes out there, you can write your own script from at least a hundred different sets of unspoken assumptions about what makes the perfect wedding.

So how can you get the wedding YOU want? Before you begin planning and well in advance of ordering your first flower or hors d'oeuvre, ask yourself, "What kind of wedding do I want?"

Remind yourself that you can have any kind of wedding you want, within the range of your resources of time and money.

Wedding planning made easy

How can you make wedding planning easier? Start by limiting your options. Think through the wedding styles you do not want. With that in mind, begin to clarify an internal image of what kind of wedding feels right -- fits your personality, family expectations, lifestyle and budget.

Remind yourself that marriage celebrations are important declarations of love and hope in a world badly in need of such ceremonies. Understand that budgets, schedules and clarified expectations all contribute to peace of mind. Remember that unless you are letting someone else make all your choices and pay for every last petit-four, getting the wedding you want may come down to your willingness to learn about new options, negotiate, compromise and communicate.



The essential elements:

Clarity
How clear is your wedding image and how well does it fit who you are?

Money
What can you, your bridegroom, your family and/or his family afford to spend on your wedding? Who will pay for what?

Time
How many hours can you devote to planning your ceremony and celebration within the framework of time available before the wedding date?


Want to make your wedding planning easier? Start by limiting your options. What don't you want?


Being prepared means being able to manage whatever occurs during the planning process. If you are being married in six months and are working at a job that keeps you busy for long hours every day, you know you can't spend limitless time interviewing florists and caterers.

If you have a few hundred dollars and want to have all your closest friends and large, extended family members there, you won't plan a costly Saturday night dinner dance. If your parents expect to invite all their friends and business colleagues to a grand occasion, you may not want an informal garden wedding at home.

Before you begin making decisions, think through what you want. Remember, as public as weddings are, they are also intensely personal and private. Even the most mature women may have unspoken but elaborate wedding images in their minds. These may be clear and easy to articulate, but more often they are as hazy as childhood memories that spring from unspoken feelings about what comprises love and lasting marriages.

Who are you and how do you want your wedding to reflect that? Are you sophisticated and cool, or warm and exuberant? Weddings can express either set of traits and many more.

If you are casual and unsentimental, for example, you may want a wedding in a setting that allows those qualities to show. And if you are deeply romantic, you'll want your marriage ceremony and celebration to reveal sentiment.

Narrowing down choices is an excellent method of stress reduction. Choosing a style frees you from being the prisoner of others' pressures.

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