Delegate: Enlist Your Friends

On the day of your wedding, you will be too busy actually getting married to keep track of every detail or handle important tasks yourself. You need to delegate, and you should have plenty of people willing to help out.

Here are just a few assignments for your helpers:

Task	Delegate to
Hand out corsages or other flowers; help pinning boutonnieres.
Meet the caterer and answer his or her questions.
Check in with the photographer and give him or her the list of must-have photos.
Pass out checks to wedding vendors, musicians, vocalists and/or the wedding officiant.
Handle the guest book.
Have breakfast with you on the morning of your wedding and hold your hand if you're feeling pressured or stressed.
Watch for the special needs of elderly relatives or friends.
Spend time with the flower girl or ring bearer ahead of time so they have someone other than their own mother and the bride to come to with questions.
Help guests find their seats at a sit-down dinner.

Delegate: Don't be the Bride with Clipboard

Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. Remember that however involved you have been in the planning, when the day of your wedding dawns, you do not want to be the bride with the clipboard.

The busiest churches and temples often provide brides with someone they have hired and trained to handle logistics. Hotels have banquet managers who supervise food service and some of what happens in the rooms they are renting. Bandleaders and photographers are sometimes all-too-ready to run your event.

Use this chart to help you plan ahead and avoid last-minute headaches.

Task	Delegate to
Tell your florist ahead of time to look for someone specific -- other than you -- when she or he arrives with the wedding flowers. Have that person prepared to give out the bouquets and pin on corsages and boutonnieres.
Get the guest book, programs and list of readings to someone who can take charge.
Find out, again before the wedding day, whether someone should notify the officiant when everything is ready and the ceremony can start. Be aware that weddings seldom start exactly on time, although a few clergy members are sticklers for punctuality. Someone should be prepared for whatever occurs, while you insulate yourself from last-minute glitches such as a lost groomsman (in the bathroom), a misplaced bouquet (found in the last pew where the absent-minded bridesmaid put it) or a distraught flower girl (prepare a cool-headed attendant or the child's mother to help).
Make sure your consultant or someone with a take-charge personality manages that important hour before the ceremony. Officiants in secular surroundings seldom take charge in the same way as clergy on their home ground.
At the last minute, someone must be in charge of cuing everyone, lining everyone up, starting the music and the processional. And it cannot be the bride or bridegroom.
At the reception, the catering or banquet manager will handle many routine logistical tasks in the absence of a wedding consultant. He or she should be aware of when the musicians will arrive, when first guests are expected, and when you want hors d'oeuvre and beverage service to begin or bars to open. Will you be introduced or do you expect to set up a receiving line, or both?

Mapping Out Wedding Day Logistics

One or two weeks before the date, sit down and do a realistic schedule for the big day. You may give this to others, so include such obvious details as the wedding's and reception's specific starting times.

Begin in the morning, and follow events throughout the day. Think about the role of all service providers and write them into the schedule. Every vendor should be in the schedule, which is really a checklist to ensure that everyone knows exactly where and when to appear.

People to include in the schedule

• The officiant


• Attendants, ushers


• Photographer


• Musicians


• Soloist or choir conductor


• Caterer, catering manager, or banquet coordinator
  


• Decorator


• Table linens supplier


• Florist


• Wedding cake supplier (if other than the caterer)
  


• Other

Details to consider

1. Do your attendants and service providers have specific addresses and instructions about where to be and where to deliver goods?
   
   Churches, temples, hotels, catering halls -- even some restaurants -- can be massive buildings with many entrances. Be specific.


2. Is there someone for each of these vendors to check in with when they arrive?


3. Musicians and off-site caterers may need special directions about unloading and storing equipment.
   
   If your wedding ceremony or celebration is being held at an unusual site such as a home, public mansion or unfamiliar club, make sure to provide your vendors with this information. Let's say a specialty bakery will deliver a cake and pastries for a dessert buffet. Where and when can these goods be delivered? Do they need to be stored in a cooler until just before serving time?


4. Security may also be a consideration.
   Where, for example, can photographers safely stow their equipment when it's not in use?
   


5. Will photographers need special electrical outlets or equipment, such as extension cords?


6. Who will handle wedding gifts?
   
   What about checks and money?


7. If transportation is part of the logistics, think through the details of moving yourself, your family and guests.
   
   Don't forget arrivals and departures, if you're scheduling buses or vans to transport them.

Plan Ahead for Your Wedding Day

Plan ahead and know the answers to these questions before the big day.

Where will you get dressed?	Your plan...
What, exactly -- down to the last accessory -- will you wear? Don't forget comfy shoes and an extra pair of pantyhose.
What personal things will you need? Remember lipstick, comb and one index card with a very short list of important things not to forget. Ask a friend to carry a small bag during the ceremony. Your hands may be busy with flowers and rings, and your attendants may also have full hands.
How will you get to the church or temple?
Who will be with you?
Who sets up the receiving line? Where and when will it be, and who will be in it? You may want to ask a friend to bring your favorite beverage to the receiving line.
Will you be able to eat? To avoid missing your own hors d'oeuvres, ask the caterer to give samples to a friend or box them for later.
When and where will flowers be delivered? Remember, you may want them for photographs.

Wedding Day: Set The Right Tone

More than anything, make sure you approach the big day with the right attitude.
Remember, you are marrying the one you love and believe the day you have planned will reflect all that you feel.

The bride's mood sets the tone for the whole day. Here are some tips for starting out right:

• Make preliminary plans for the morning. Allow enough time to start things off so that you
  embrace the day with a sense of harmony and peace.

• Do you want to get up early enough to take a relaxing bath? Make sure there is extra time to do your hair and makeup, or get to your hair and makeup appointments.

• Allow time to eat something delicious. This may be your last chance to eat anything until much later.

• This special day should be filled with affection and feeling. If you have time, read a favorite
  love letter from your bridegroom before you get out of bed. You may want to send him something special to read, too.

• Once you are at your wedding, remember to stop, sit back, take a deep breath and give yourself time to look around.

• Remember what it's all about. The two of you. Your marriage. A life together. A milestone
  occasion.

• Remind yourself that this is not a grand opera with dozens of stagehands scurrying around
  backstage to make sure everything is perfect.

• Allow for serendipity and unavoidable last-minute changes. Pay no attention to guests'
  expectations. A food-service problem? Mention it to your mother or one friend, only if you think it can be changed. Don't allow details to become important.

• Develop a sense of privacy about the two of you. Look into each other's eyes. Make a private toast. Declare your love. Kiss.

• Thank your parents for their help and love. Run down a mental checklist of appreciative words you want to say to them and others. Include your new parents-in-law in your feelings of happiness.

• If you need time away from the crowd, make sure there's a private spot where you can disappear for a moment and gather your wits. You may need an island of privacy within this very public occasion. Don't apologize, just make sure it's there if you need it.

• Keep a healthy sense of perspective. Tragedy is death or illness, not the wrong shade of peach flowers. Remember that something is bound to go wrong. Laugh it off.
  

Wedding Day Basic Guidelines

How can you plan ahead so that you enjoy and cherish your big day? Ideas range from the practical (plan ahead, delegate), to the philosophical (relax, remember what really matters). Ready? Take a deep breath and check out our game plan to help you through the big day.

Here are seven basic guidelines to help you enjoy your wedding day.

1. Plan ahead. What actually occurs on your wedding day has everything to do with the planning that preceded it and the personalities of those involved. Do everything possible to avoid the pressure of handling details on your wedding day.

2. Create a schedule. Plot the day to the minute, if this reflects your attitude about details -- make it more relaxed if that's who you are.

3. Delegate. Leave your notebook at home. Give necessary details to someone you trust. Both brides and bridegrooms agree that they were not in any state of mind to handle logistics on their wedding day.

4. Trust your service providers. You hired individuals you like and respect. Let them do their work.

5. Do not listen to criticism. A friend who tells you she hates your flowers or music might merit reconsideration as a friend.

6. Do not, under any circumstances, watch your caterer or florist set up. This process is not for the faint-hearted.

7. Take a deep breath and relax. Look around and take mental photographs. Remind yourself what this is all about: Your choice of the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Enjoy.

Wedding Packages vs. Pay-As-You-Go

No matter how you look at it, honeymoons have to be planned some time in advance. Depending on what your dream honeymoon is and how much time and energy you can spare to plan it, you can choose between all-inclusive packages and pay-as-you-go vacations that you design.

All-inclusive packages are one price, including all of the accommodations and events. You just need to decide what amount you are willing to pay.

Pay-as-you-go vacations need more detailed planning and a specific budget.


Packages

Most all-inclusive honeymoons are on cruises or at resorts. Resorts and cruises aren't cheap, but at least you know exactly how much you are going to spend.

Couples-only resorts offer wedding services that can be included in the overall cost. In addition to the "Love Boat" type of cruise, you can also find adventure cruises that generally have fewer people onboard -- often as few as nine to 20 passengers. These yachts are about the same price as luxury cruises but need to be booked six months to a year in advance.

What are your requirements for style and flexibility? Will you mind being confined to a ship with your itinerary set in stone? If not, a package deal might be for you.


Pay as you go

Planning your own honeymoon allows you more flexibility and can be cheaper than an all-inclusive package, but all of the responsibility rests on your shoulders. You need to consider where you want to go, what hotel and transportation reservations need to be made, how long you will stay in each place and what you are going to do while you are there.

You also need to decide how much you can spend on each of these variables, as well as how much money goes toward shopping and food expenses.

To start setting up your trip, call the tourist board in the countries you want to visit and request pamphlets on things to do and see there. Don't forget to request detailed maps, currency exchange rates, customs guidelines, and railway or bus schedules and rates.

Make hotel reservations well in advance and double-check them about a week before you leave. Find out what sort of transportation you will be using and where your country's embassy is in each destination, in case of emergency.

Whichever route you wish to take, careful planning and the right choices about what you want will help you have the time of your life!

Alternative Honeymoon Destination

The stereotypical image of a honeymoon includes sandy beaches, warm sun and a whole lot of nothin' goin' on. After the stress of the wedding, that's what many couples need.

But if lounging at a resort is not your ideal vacation, there are still plenty of other options to fit all budgets. Here's our list of 10 unique ideas.


Stay in town and do all the fun things you never have time to do.


Take a drive through the country and stay at bed and breakfasts.


Go to a lake and rent a houseboat.


Go camping and white-water rafting.


Sign up for a tour of Australia's outback.


Ride camels to the Egyptian pyramids.


Rent a cabin in Colorado to get away from everyone and spend time together.


Go to the South of France during the grape harvest.


Go to Maine and dig through used-book barns.


Trace your ancestry and follow your families' footsteps.

Honeymoon 101: Basics

In the dark depths of your wedding planning process, here's a mantra we suggest you adopt: "There's always the honeymoon." To make your honeymoon planning as stress-free as possible, take a look at our tips and suggestions for where -- and how -- to travel.

Honeymoon. It represents the idyllic time spent with your spouse, ensconced in your newly married life. And it has the most ridiculous name.

Where did the word honeymoon come from? It's thought to have originated in medieval times in either Germany or Ireland. When a couple first got married, they would drink a toast of honey wine (mead) or honey beer. For the next month they would drink this honey brew every night, ensuring fertility and happiness.

Planning your honeymoon is the best task buried in the wedding planning nightmare. Your honeymoon is a wonderful chance to spend unlimited amounts of time with your loved one, relaxing and doing exactly what you want. Take advantage of it, but remember to plan ahead.


Deciding where to go

Here are the factors you should discuss with your mate when planning your honeymoon:

What kind of budget are you on?
Where do want to go: close to home or across the globe?
Do you want the wedding and honeymoon to be in the same place?
What kind of weather are you looking for: sun and sand, or snow and slopes?
Do you want an all-inclusive trip or a pay-as-you-go vacation?

The planning stages

1. Settle on a budget.
How much are you willing to spend on airfare, transportation, hotel, food, tours and activities, and shopping?

2. Find a travel agent.
At any other time you could research the travel yourself and invest a lot of time in the planning. In this instance, you have so much other planning to do that you don't need to add another headache.

3. Zip your lips?
Whether to tell the agent -- or anyone else you talk to -- that you will be on your honeymoon is a 50-50 gamble. In some cases, it may get you special deals, or free room and seating upgrades. On the other hand, you may also be charged more because people think you're too blinded by love to pay attention to your wallet.

The most important thing to plan on doing, however, is to relax and enjoy your trip. Shed all the wedding stress and take a deep breath. It's all over. Now all you have to do is go home and write thank-you notes for all of the gifts!

Non-Traditional Wedding Gift Ideas

When I married, my mother insisted I register for sterling silver. I did. We got one silver teaspoon. It doesn't exactly blend on the dinner table with my stainless-steel table settings.

What's my point? Traditional registry items are not your only options -- and may not be popular with your gift givers, either.

Couples today are registering at stores that cater to their hobbies and interests. For example, you can register at a sporting goods store for camping equipment or a place like Home Depot for decorating supplies.

Non-traditional gift ideas: camping gear larger appliances art work sporting goods travel/honeymoon charity of your choice

Another wedding gift trend is for several people to chip in together for one big-ticket item. Couples can register for gifts as diverse as a Jacuzzi or a special piece of art. Some travel agencies even offer honeymoon registration, which lets people help defray the cost of your wedding trip.

The registry possibilities are endless -- limited only
by your imagination and the willing participation of a
store.

One less consumer-oriented trend, especially for a
second marriage or for an older, more established couple,
is for a monetary gift to be donated to a favorite
charity. Although it is in extremely bad taste to include
your registered stores on your invitation, some etiquette
gurus are warming up to the idea of including a request
for no gifts -- or for a donation to charity -- on a
separate card mailed with your invitation.

Traditional Registry Items

In theory, wedding gifts are
supposed to help a young couple establish a new home
together. Traditional wedding gifts tend to be practical
and home-oriented. The most popular traditional gifts
include:

• Formal china


• Everyday china


• Silverware


• Formal crystal


• Everyday glassware


• Linens


• Appliances


• Candlesticks


• Home decorating items (pictures, frames, etc.)

Wedding Gift Registry 101: Basics

Registering for wedding presents sounds like winning a free shopping spree at your favorite store. How could something that fun be stressful? Well, after you've been shopping for dresses, caterers, invitations and all the rest, even compiling a wish-list of wedding gifts can be a burden. Why bother?

The modern bridal registry was born out of frustration at a china store at the turn of the century when a confused clerk started logging an engaged couple's china patterns and the number of pieces bought on index cards.
The technology has changed, but the theory behind gift registries remains the same.

When you go to a store to register, a person assigned by the store will walk you through a list of endless wedding gift ideas. This process may be totally computerized in larger chain stores, or more personal and hands-on in smaller stores.

Once you set your wedding date, you can register. The length of time you can be registered varies by store. Some stores keep you on the list through several wedding anniversaries.

Many stores offer computer
registries that allow guests
to see what you registered
for and what has already
been purchased.

Nationwide chains offer computer registry throughout the country. Even though you're getting married in North Carolina, your Aunt Gertrude can still go to your preferred department store in Portland, Oregon. When she types in your name, she finds out what you registered for and what has already been purchased for you.

The standard items to register for -- once thought essentials by our mothers -- were china, crystal and silver. You can also register for sheets, towels, kitchen linens, appliances and even furniture.

There are really no etiquette rules about registering for items. But, it's best to give your guests not only a variety of items, but a variety of price ranges.

Now that you've chosen your loot, how do you get all this registry information out to your family and friends? Word of mouth. Spread the word through family and friends.

It is never proper to send a list of where you are registered with the wedding invitation. You can, however, include the list of stores on shower invitations.

Mail Order Wedding Invitations

More than 20 companies have sprung up in recent years to offer wedding invitations via mail. Here's a rundown on how they work.

First, you have to call a 1-800 number and wait two to four weeks for the catalog to arrive. Then, you make your selections from the glossy, four-color catalog, which has pictures of invitations, accessories and generic etiquette/wording advice.

Most catalogs come with a sample or two of various invitation styles. Most companies take credit cards and are quick to fill orders. It can take as little as two to four days, plus another week for shipping time. Expedited or overnight delivery may be available at an extra cost.

Many of the catalogs carry some of the same designs, but comparing prices can be difficult. Some catalogs charge more for fancy type styles, while others throw this in for free. Prices can be all over the board. Some catalogs offer great deals on small quantities, while others give better discounts for large orders.

The prices are often hard to beat -- sometimes 40 percent off retail for the exact same invitation. Mail-order may be a convenient option for brides who have a hard time getting themselves (not to mention their grooms) to all those wedding-related appointments.

Our advice is to shop carefully: Request a sample of the design you're thinking about ordering. Visit retail stationery shops to compare paper quality and prices. Make sure the mail-order company has an unconditional guarantee that allows you to return the invitations, no questions asked. Pay with a credit card! That way, if a dispute develops, you may be able to get a refund from your bank.

National Wedding Invitation Providers

More than 500 companies print invitations. Here's a look at some of the best-known national brands that you should be able to find at your local printer or stationer.

William Arthur
This collection of thermographed invitations offers a sophisticated and classic look for brides who want an alternative to the plain, traditional invitation. With a variety of unique type styles and card-type designs, Arthur's line runs $197 to $277 per 100 invitations ($302 to $462 for 200 invitations). Return-address printing is included in that price -- a nice plus. The customer service is excellent, according to stationers we interviewed. "They're in a class by themselves," one told us, adding that their shipping (only five business days) is reliable. One- and two-day rush service is also available.

For a dealer near you who carries William Arthur, call (207) 985-6581.


Carlson Craft
One of the largest invitation printers in the country, Carlson Craft has a wide selection. The thermography is good quality, and the 100 percent cotton (40-pound) paper designs are a good buy at $150 per 100 invitations.

For a dealer near you who carries Carlson Craft, call (800) 328-1782.


Chase Paper
From plain traditional to glitzy contemporary, Chase Paper has a wide selection of unique papers. The quality of the thermography is top-notch, according to our stationery sources. Prices run $60 to $140 per 100 invitations. Even the lower-priced options are good quality. Shipping takes about three weeks.

For a dealer near you who carries Chase, call (508) 366-4441.


Checkerboard Invitations
Checkerboard's sample book features a wide assortment of designer invitations. You can even mix and match type styles, something most printers won't let you do. We saw designs with splattered ink, Mylar prisms and marbled paper. Checkerboard even has several recycled paper designs. Funky envelope linings complete the looks. Prices range from $59 to $169 per 100 invitations.

For a dealer near you who carries Checkerboard, call (508) 835-2475.


Embossed Graphics
If you're planning a large wedding, Embossed Graphics is a good choice. The company has great prices for large quantities of invitations. For example, 400 invitations from Embossed Graphics costs just $246. While the styles and extra options are limited, the heavy paper is good-quality. Another good buy is the one-time $19.50 to $27 fee to print your return address on back flaps. The only negative: Embossed Graphics is slow to ship some orders.

For a dealer near you who carries Embossed Graphics, call (713) 667-0031.


Encore
We have found some of the most wonderful papers in Encore's catalog, ranging from elegant taffeta moire to pearlized satins. If you want to match the flowers you'll be using in your wedding, Encore offers incredible embossed lilies, roses and more on textured papers and card stock. All invitations are thermographed, and a wide variety of ink colors is available. The cost ranges from $169 to $549 for 100 invitations. The average order falls in the range of $230 to $240. Encore's new Classic Collection features engraved invitations on 100 percent cotton papers.

For a dealer near you who carries Encore, call (800) 526-0497.


Pacific Thermographers
Pacific Thermographers offers great printing on incredibly heavy paper for down-to-earth prices: $90 to $150 for 100 invitations. Style #357 features either a single- or triple-panel design for just $90 per 100 -- a great buy for this 80-pound stock. With both stylized and traditional paper designs, Pacific Thermographers is a good buy.

For a dealer near you who carries Pacific Thermographers, call (800) 423-5071.

Invitations: Staing Within Your Budget

The wedding invitation sets the tone for your wedding. It's the first impression your guests will get of the upcoming event.

Unfortunately, wedding invitations are also a perfect example of how spending on nuptials can take on a life of its own. At first blush, this topic looks like small change. How much can a few invitations, envelopes and stamps cost, anyway?

Glance through any invitation catalog or visit any stationery store, however, and you'll quickly realize how this little expense can grow to big bucks in no time. The average amount spent on invitations is $200. Fancier options and extras can push the tab over $1,000.


What you're buying
Buying invitations is a little like buying a meal at an ࠬa carte restaurant. The entr饠is reasonably priced, but you have to buy the salad, appetizer and dessert separately.

With invitations, the entr饠is the basic invitation design (paper style and printing) plus the envelopes (two for formal invitations and one for more informal options). The "accessories" -- priced separately from the original invitation -- are as follows:

• Reception cards
  
• Response cards (an envelope with your return address printed is included with each response card)
  
• Postage for response-card envelopes
  
• Envelope linings -- to add a little flair and color to invitations
  
• Printing your return address on the back flap of the outer envelopes
  
• Informals (used mainly as thank-you notes)
  
• Exclusive (or photo) lettering -- more expensive than regular lettering, but exclusive lettering gives you a wider choice of type-styles
  

Sample cost breakdown
To see how these add up, check out the sample costs for 200 invitations from a popular invitation brand available at most print shops and stationers.

Basic invitation Return address on flap Reception card Response card Lined envelopes Informals	158.50 40.30 77.50 95.50 34.00 77.50
Total	$483.30

The basic invitation was less than $160. Add some extras, however, and the bill can double or triple. That's not even including the postage!

The bottom line: The best money-saving strategy with wedding invitations is creating alternatives to those "optional extras."

Wedding Invitation Examples (Picture)

Wedding invitations vary, based on who is sending them out: Bride's parents, Bride's mother, remarried, The couple, Divorced parents, Remarried parents, Other relatives, Contemporary text

A standard invitation issued by the bride's parents would read:

Mr. and Mrs. James
Joseph Miller

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Dorothy Diane

to

Mr. Alexander Jason Nelson

Saturday, the fifth of July

nineteen hundred and ninety-seven

at half after four o'clock in the afternoon

Central Presbyterian Church

125 North Sixth Street

Clinton, Illinois

If the bride's father is deceased, and the mother has remarried, the invitation should make the family relationships clear. Use the bride's full name, including
surname.

Mr. and Mrs. John
Whitney Adams

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of Mrs. Whitney's daughter

Sarah Ann Jones...

If the bride feels very close to her step-father, the invitation could say, "at the marriage of their daughter Sarah Ann Jones," but the different last names are still needed.

Many couples, especially those with complicated family relationships or those marrying later in life, choose to issue the invitation themselves.

Miss Sarah Ann Jones

and

Mr. Peter Andrew Findley

request the honour of your presence

at their marriage

Saturday, the fifth of May

nineteen hundred and ninety-eight

at eleven o'clock in the morning

Central Baptist Church

123 Saint Paul Lane

Chicago, Illinois

Parents who have divorced and not remarried can issue a joint invitation. According to the rules of etiquette, the woman's name always goes first.

Mrs. Cynthia Ann Nice

and

Mr. William Alan Nice

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Betty Lou...

Divorced parents who have remarried can also issue joint invitations. Again, the mother of the bride and her husband come first on the invitation.

Mr. and Mrs. John William Nice

and

Mr. and Mrs. Alan James Short

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Betty Lou Short...

Other relatives may issue the invitations. Just make known the relationship of the party sending the invitations to the bride.

Mr. and Mrs. William Henry Ford

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their granddaughter

Susan Lynn Kolb...

Remember, your invitation should reflect the feeling of your wedding. If you're not having an ultra-formal wedding, you don't need an ultra-formal invitation.

This is the beginning of our new life together.

Please join with us as we pledge our lives

to each other

when we exchange wedding vows

and afterwards at the reception.

This great day will take place Saturday,

May 16, 1997

at 2:00 p.m., in Heritage Park

1220 Central Avenue

St. Louis, Missouri

If you cannot attend, we ask your presence

in thoughts and prayers.


Sarah Ann Gambil and James Jeffrey Hall

Invitation Etiquette

One of the biggest etiquette problems arises when a couple wants to include a deceased parent's name on the invitation. This is a no-no. Think about it: The person whose name is on the invitation is at least figuratively hosting the party. How can a deceased person invite anyone to anything, let alone pay for the wedding?
This does not mean that a deceased parent cannot be mentioned during the wedding. There are plenty of options. It is perfectly correct, for example, to list the deceased parent in the announcement and wedding program.

The invitation, however, should come from the people hosting and paying for the wedding. They are the ones who need to know how big a cake, how much food, how many tables to confirm, etc. If you are the parents of the bride and want to give mention to the parents of the groom, you can list the groom as "son of" Mr. and Mrs. So and So. This gives mention of the groom's family, while still clearly indicating that the bride's parents are the hosts.

Traditional etiquette may say to mail invitations four weeks in advance, but if guests are coming from out of state, they will welcome six to eight weeks' warning to make travel plans.

Wedding Invitation-writing 101: Basics

Your wedding invitations are one of the last details you will consider, but they are the first thing your guests will see. They also are one of the big etiquette land mines lying in wait for you -- and they can be a big expense. But before you throw in your calligraphy pen and resolve to e-mail your invites, take heart. Our wedding expert will walk you through the whole process.

The first fearsome etiquette problem most couples have to deal with is how to word their wedding invitations. Etiquette rules for the formal wedding invitation have changed very little this century.

The standard invitation has a maximum of 14 lines of copy. At its most basic, the invitation must lay out who, what, where and when. Here are the nitty-gritty style points that the etiquette gurus recommend.


Names & titles
Names are spelled out fully. Titles, such at Doctor, should also be spelled out. True etiquette states that only medical doctors use the Doctor title, but personally, I think anyone who has studied and put time in either dentistry or veterinarian school should be allowed to use that title, too. The title for a Ph.D. is not used. Military titles should be used, but the etiquette on that is so convoluted, depending on the branch of service, that you should consult either your superior officer or the invitation company for correct usage.


Dates & times
Dates are spelled out. For example, "the fifth of July, nineteen hundred and ninety-seven." Time is also written out. For example: "four o'clock in the afternoon" or "half after four o'clock in the afternoon." "In the afternoon" may be excluded if the invitation is small and the phrase is too much copy for that line.


Addresses
The city and state are always written out in full, and you don't need a zip code. If the street number is only one number, write it out in full also. If it is longer, it may be written numerically: "One Crescent Lane" but "112 Crescent Lane."


Spelling
The word "honour" is spelled in the British fashion for a formal invitation.


Design
Traditionally it's black ink with centered text on white or ivory paper.

For example, a standard formal invitation might read as follows:

Mr. and Mrs. John James Miller
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Tiffany Lynn
to
Mr. Jason Andrew Smith
on Saturday, the fifth of July nineteen hundred and ninety-seven
at half after seven o'clock in the evening
Saint Stephen Catholic Church
Four North Center Street
Saint Louis, Missouri


Family diplomacy
Of course, spelling and dates are the simple part. The minefields crop up when trying to word the invitation to include everyone who wants to be a part of the wedding without destroying the peace.

Your invitation is the first
thing your guests will see of
your wedding -- make it reflect
your style and taste.

Today's couples may come from divorced or blended families, have different ethnic or religious backgrounds, or have other special circumstances surrounding their wedding. Yesterday's tradition of the bride's mother and father paying for everything and giving her away may not apply. In theory, the person or persons who issue the invitations are paying for the wedding and are, therefore, the hosts. In practice, it may not work that way.

Let's take an example: You (the bride) were reared by your father and step-mother. Your father is paying for the wedding. But after you announce your engagement, your biological mother appears on your doorstep so she can revel in the glory of being the mother of the bride. Your fianc駳 mother is also getting in on the act, telling her son that she had better be on the invitation, as well.

What can you do?

Many times, just to avoid more stress, the couple issues the invitation themselves. For example: "Miss Sarah Ellen Jones and Mr. Miles Standish Normal together with their families..."

That diplomatic fudge may not work all the time, but it's a start. Be prepared to negotiate. Remember: Unless one of the etiquette gurus is on your invitation list, you don't need to panic. Just be sensible.


Style
Your invitation is the first clue your guests will get to the style of your wedding. If you are not having an ultra-formal wedding, you don't need an ultra-formal invitation. If you find something that has meaning for you, include it in your invitation. If your wedding has a theme or is more informal, go with something that reflects that taste.


Practicalities
Invitations are ordered in quantities of 25. Always order an extra 25 invitations. Re-orders are very costly. If your invitation list is 123, then order at least 150 invitations. You'll be surprised how your invitation list can grow.

One final word -- always, and I repeat, always take your completed invitation packet to the post office, with all the enclosures, and have it weighed. While you are there, check on oversized letter prices. An oversized invitation will cost more to mail even if it weighs less than the one-ounce limit. It is not a pretty picture to open your mailbox to find all 350 of your invitations marked, in huge red letters, RETURNED FOR POSTAGE.

Unique Bouquet Ideas and Flowers for Men

Even if you are an expert on potted plants or flowering shrubs, you probably don't have much daily contact with bouquets and boutonnieres. Don't worry: We've illustrated and explained the four most popular types of bouquets, plus collected some great ideas for unique and unusual bouquets. And, lest the men feel neglected, we've also included details about wedding flowers for men.

The bride's flowers should complement the style of her gown or dress, as well as her personality and the style of the wedding. Wedding bouquets can be described by the shape and by the style of flowers.


Cascade
Like a waterfall, this bouquet flows downward and may have a blossom or two suspended by its own stem or on a ribbon. This is the most traditional shape for bridal bouquets, used with a full-skirted or elaborate ball-gown-style wedding dress.


Presentation bouquet
Think of the roses carried by Miss America along her left arm as she waves with her right. This can be as simple or as elaborate as you wish but should not be longer than what can fit comfortably, with some spillover, along the length of your lower arm.


Round cluster bouquet or oversized nosegay
This may have a ruff of lace or tulle behind it and can be made of one type of flower or a mixture. A favorite is a tight round cluster or roses, or roses and peonies, with a few other flowers and minimal greens.


Loose-tied bouquet
This is made up of a variety of flowers chosen to go with the gown and wedding style. They are arranged as if just picked from the garden and are tied with ribbon or a combination of ribbon and lace.


The following unique bouquet ideas may help you design a bouquet that is not one of those cookie-cutter, catalog bouquets.

How about:

Two dozen of the palest peach tulips arranged with white, French, double-flowering lilacs in a combination of loose-tied and presentation bouquet styles. Have the florist leave the stems showing, but construct the bouquet to fit in the crook of your arm.

A wildflower bouquet with loads of Queen Anne's lace, a few full-blown pink roses and wild-looking garden flowers in blue, yellow and white. Although such a bouquet can look completely unstructured, some of the more fragile flowers will have to be wired and taped so they won't droop.

A "wand" -- a single Calla lily wrapped in silk ribbon.

An extravagant, multicolored bouquet with several dozen of the palest peach roses and at least 100 stems of wildflowers in every shade of rose and white, carefully wired, taped and arranged in a cascade-style bouquet.

An almost round, tightly arranged bunch of the palest pink roses and peonies complemented by a simple, contemporary silk dress. Don't use greens, just dozens of thin silk ribbons in shades of pink, white and off-white cascades from the nosegay.


Boutonnieres are customary for the bridegroom, his attendants and ushers, as well as for fathers, grandfathers and honored guests. Expect to pay somewhere between $4 and $20 for each boutonniere, depending on the type of flowers used and the labor.

The boutonnieres need not match each other, and it is often more interesting when they do not. The groom's should be distinctive, similar in style to the flowers used throughout the wedding, or can duplicate a bloom in the bride's bouquet.

Boutonnieres should not be overly elaborate. Roses, stephanotis and small orchids are commonly used. Lilies of the Valley were once traditional but are seldom seen today because of their fragility and limited availability.

Choosing a Site and Look

Beautiful surroundings and decorations are part of most brides' wedding fantasies. Your wedding and celebration sites have more decorative impact than any other choice.


Sites
Here are a few of today's most common site selections:

• Your own home or apartment, or that of a family member or friend
  
• Sumptuous private mansions
  
• Gracious country clubs
  
• City-, county- or town-maintained parks and clubhouses
  
• Well-decorated catering halls known for excellent food
  
• Hotel ballrooms or smaller spaces
  
• Trendy restaurants
  
• Backyard tents
  
• Sophisticated gallery spaces and arts clubs
  
• Country inns, small-town hotels and restaurants
  
• Party rooms
  
• Museums, building lobbies
  
• Outdoor dining halls, hilltops, meadows
  

Remember that the range of styles between a small and large space is vast. Intimate spaces can be high-ceilinged with gilt pillars. Ballrooms can be small and simply designed without a single beaux arts design element, or they can be as elaborate as a Middle Eastern bazaar. Tent and mansion weddings can have an extravagant feeling, given the right menu, food service, and florist or designer. Galleries feel urban and sophisticated, and hotels can provide all kinds of decorative elements in their choice of room sizes and styles.


Flowers

Once you've chosen the perfect wedding site, the next decorative elements to consider are the flowers and linens. Make sure your favorite flowers are in season. It sounds so basic, one floral designer said, "but if you want lilacs and peonies, don't think of being married anytime other than spring."

For weddings, nothing more
than a subtle decorative idea
is needed. The wedding itself
is the essential theme.

Expect to spend about half of your flower costs on labor. Labor starts with the ordering of the flowers (make sure you choose a florist that can get any kind of blossoms you require). Next, the flowers are prepped. In some cases, flowers are nursed to their peak size and condition over days of conditioning. Finally, in the most obvious step that consumers see, the flowers are arranged to show off their beauty.

Don't forget the delivery and setup of the fragile flowers. After the wedding, all rented items such as vases, baskets, risers, lighting and canopies are picked up and returned to the florist.


Themes

To create memorable parties, many professional planners establish a theme that influences their choices of food and decor. For weddings, nothing more than a subtle decorative idea or theme is needed -- a spring garden or an Italian vineyard. The bride who drapes her ballroom ceiling with acres of blue cheesecloth and hangs stars from it is probably reaching for overstatement.

The wedding is the essential theme. Surround yourself with what you love: Gilt pillars or architectural simplicity, a pretty space that means something to you, or, more dramatically, a view of water or a sacred grove of oak trees. That, with the wedding's iconic symbols, is theme enough.

Flowers & Decor 101: Basics

Whether you can name the most exotic hybrids or are hard-pressed to identify a daisy, the money-saving tips and decorating ideas in this section can help you take control of the look and feel of your wedding. Who knows? If you use these hints, you may have time to stop and smell the roses (or calla lilies, or alstroemeria, or statice ...) along the grueling path of wedding planning.

According to our database of wedding expenses, the average cost for flowers at a typical wedding in 2005 was about $1000. That tab can soar to $2,000 or $3,000 without much effort.

Don't worry -- you won't have to resort to picking daisies from the roadside. We have some tips for getting the flowers you want within the budget you've set.


Flower expenses
First, you need to know the three basic types of flower expenditures:

Personal flowers

• Bride's bouquet
  
• Bridesmaids' bouquets
  
• Corsages for the mothers and house party
  
• Boutonnieres for the men.
  

Ceremony site flowers

• Altar flowers
  
• Aisle arrangements, such as ribbons, candles or pew markers.
  

Reception site flowers

• Guest book table
  
• Table centerpieces (including a head table, buffet table and individual guests tables)
  
• Cake table.
  
• Other floral expenses may include the rehearsal dinner and any other pre-wedding parties.
  

Money-saving options

The easiest way to save money on wedding flowers is to avoid exotic, expensive blooms such as orchids and lilies, as well as out-of-season flowers. Roses can also be pricey at certain times of the year, such as around Valentine's Day.

What are the more affordable options? Here are several flowers that look beautiful but cost a fraction of the expensive options:

Alstroemeria lilies
These miniature lilies are available in more than 20 shades. Some are even multi-colored. Because they are small, they look best in bouquets, hairpieces, on wedding cakes or in table arrangements.

Carnations
Ah, the old standby. These are a great pick for altar arrangements because they stand out without great expense. They come in every color, but we don't recommend the dyed ones. Stick to natural colors. Some varieties are also available as miniatures, if you want to add them to table arrangements or bouquets. These are very heat-hardy for those of you in hot climates.

Chrysanthemums
More commonly referred to as mums, these flowers are also great filler for altar arrangements. They add oodles of volume to your arrangements without costing a great deal. These flowers are available in a wide range of colors from white to bronze. Some even look like simple daisies in pinks, yellows and white.

Freesia
Another small, delicate flower with a pleasing scent, freesia can be used as a wonderful substitute for the more expensive Stephanotis. Freesia comes in white, yellow, pink, orange, lavender and red.

Gerbera daisies
These giant-sized versions of common daisies make wonderful and colorful bridesmaids' bouquets. They also have long stems and can be used successfully in table and altar arrangements. They come in incredible colors from plain white to deep fuchsia. Pastels are also available.

Gladiolus
These long-stalked flowers are covered in bright blooms. They look especially nice in altar or buffet arrangements to add height. Colors range from white to pink to deep, true red.

Statice
A fabulous filler for bridal bouquets, these bunches of tiny white or purple blossoms are reasonably priced options. Other fillers that are inexpensive include Queen Anne's Lace and Stock.

Videography Shopping Strategies

With the soaring cost of professional wedding videos, it helps to keep in mind a few money-saving tips. Here's a wrap-up:

Ask for any "ceremony-only" discounts.

Many professional videographers offer discounted "ceremony-only" packages that cost 40 percent to 60 percent less than complete packages. For the reception, consider asking friends and relatives to bring their video cameras to shoot footage, but make sure they have a tripod and extra batteries.


Make your own package deal.

Fewer bells and whistles (post-editing, special effects) mean less time for the videographer. Ask if they can work out a special package that meets your budget and scaled-back needs.


Request a volume-discount for tape copies.

If you need several copies, the video company may be able to offer you a volume discount off their normal prices.


Use multi-camera coverage only at the ceremony.

While it's a nice luxury to have two or three cameras to cover the wedding ceremony, it may be overkill at the reception.


Negotiate lower rates for less-popular wedding days or months.

Question to Ask a Videographer

Once you have covered the basic questions -- are you available for my wedding date and do you fit in my budget -- there are eight more questions you should ask a prospective videographer.

1. Will you attend the rehearsal? Are you familiar with my ceremony/reception site?

These are critical questions because the videographer must determine the best angle, lighting options and sound needs for your wedding and reception. It's best to do all of this a day or so before the actual wedding. Many ceremony sites have specific rules about where the videographer can set up. Some sites may also present sound or lighting challenges -- the more familiar the videographer is with the site the better.

2. Who exactly will be shooting my video?

Some companies, especially in busy summer months, may send amateurs to some of their weddings. Meet the actual videographer and see his or her work before booking.

3. Are there any photographers in town that you have had difficulty working with?

The fit between photographer and videographer is critical. If they don't work together as a team, the scene may get ugly. It may be difficult to get a frank answer here, but try.

4. Do you have specific questions about my ceremony?

Explain your general wedding shooting schedule. This way you can find out what they do before the ceremony, whether they do interviews or not, and how they expect the evening to run.

5. Exactly what will the final product look like?

Find out how long the tape will be, what type of editing or graphics will be done and any additional touches that may be added. Often we've seen demo tapes with music synched to the action, fancy cursive graphics and even dissolves or other effects. Then we've been informed that all those options cost extra. Make sure to ask.

6. Do you have back-up equipment? Do you edit your own work? Do you offer a guarantee?

Back-up equipment is a critical issue. The best videographers have back-up equipment with them at the ceremony/reception sites. Even if it takes just a few minutes for the videographer to run out to a car, you can miss important moments.

7. Will you take a little time to educate me about video production?

This is a trick question suggested to us by Bill, a New Jersey videographer. Bill told us you're not looking for a technical lecture but insights into the videographer's philosophy. The videographer should acknowledge that each wedding is different -- and be honest about the shortcomings of his or her work. "Beware of the person who doesn't or can't explain things to you. Or one who thinks he's the greatest on earth."

Wedding Must-Have Shots

Your wedding photographs and videos will be the most tangible reminder of your wedding day. Because every couple has a different list of what they consider the "must-have" shots, give the photographer a list of pictures you want to make sure you have (and, on the wedding day, bring a copy of your own in case the photographer forgets).

This list can save you money by eliminating pictures you don't want and save you stress by ensuring that the photographer will get the shots you want.

The list below should get you started thinking about what you would like -- beyond the standard formal shots of the bridal party. Print it out and check off the ideas you like; add other shots you want. Have a friend keep track of people to be photographed so you don't miss anyone, and gently remind guests to not hamper the pro's pictures while taking their own.

Wedding photographs

• Bride alone in mirror
  
• Mother adjusting bride's veil
  
• Bride pinning boutonniere on father's lapel
  
• Bride giving bouquets to bridesmaids
  
• Bride pinning corsage on mother
  
• Individual portraits of wedding party
  
• Bride looking at groom's ring, and vice versa
  
• Guest signing guest book
  
• Girls catching bouquet
  
• Flower girl admiring bride's gown
  
• Spotlight of the invitation and bouquet
  
• Candid of soloist and organist
  
• Parents hugging or kissing couple good-bye
  
• Bride's father with pockets turned inside out
  
• Grandparents and other important relatives
  
• Close-ups of hands, rings
  
• Hostesses
  
• Band or deejay
  
• Exterior view of the ceremony site
  
• First kiss as husband and wife
  
• Bride and father, bride and mother
  
• Groom and father, groom and mother
  
• Bride and groomsmen
  
• Groom and bridesmaids
  
• Bride's cake alone, groom's cake alone
  
• Best man toasting bride and groom
  
• Bride and groom silhouetted against stained glass window
  
• Bride and maid/matron of honor
  
• Groom and best man
  
• Groom and ring bearer
  
• Bride and groom lighting unity candle
  
• Candid of clergy congratulating bride and groom
  
• Ceremony portraits with no flash
  
• Reception activities and dancing
  
• Bride's table
  
• Take formal shots on location at a garden, beach or a seasonal spot
  
• For small receptions, a group picture of all wedding guests (75 or less)
  
• Father kissing bride on forehead (or cheek)
  

Fun ideas

• Pastel color-tinted photographs
  
• Shooting in black-and-white
  
• Hiring a photojournalist to cover the wedding as if it were an event
  
• Thank-you notes that feature a picture of the bride and the groom
  

Choosing a Photographer

The main choice you have to make in selecting a photographer is the choice between a photo-journalist who tries to capture events as they happen and the traditional wedding photographer who views your wedding as a series of photo opportunities to be staged.
Your decision will come down to this: How many candids you want, along with the posed shots of family and friends and the wedding party?

Here are a few tips on getting the photographs and video you want:


Check with your wedding officiant about rules concerning photography and videography. Make sure to let your photographer know these rules.


Be sure your photographer and videographer understand what you want well in advance of the wedding. Be clear. Be specific. Provide the photographer with a list because there's nothing worse than not getting photos of your aged great-grandmother who seldom gets to special occasions, or forgetting table shots if you wanted a photo-record of everyone at the wedding.


Consider doing family and wedding party portraits before the ceremony when everyone looks his or her best. Another benefit is that you go directly from the ceremony to the celebration.


If you want a documentary-style record, make sure the photographer or videographer is willing to come to your home early and stay late. Consider adding childhood photographs and family portraits to your video.


For portraits, think about especially beautiful and photogenic sites. You may want to shoot somewhere special -- on a beach, in a field or by a fountain -- after the wedding.

Photography 101: Basics

People say that newlyweds have stars in their eyes, but it's usually just the afterglow from all those flashbulbs. Check out the features below to find out how to choose a photographer and find a videographer who fits your style. Don't forget to print the list of must-have shots, which are sure to spark some ideas.

What's left after the wedding? The flowers wilt; you stow the gifts; the gown gets packed away. What remains? Just the photographs and videos.

Before selecting a professional wedding photographer, know what you're looking to buy. Photography costs fall into these three categories:

Candids

These are the pictures taken at the wedding and reception that are assembled into an album for the bride and groom. Photographers often assemble candid packages for the parents (referred to as parents' albums) and gifts for attendants (usually two or four pictures in a gift folio). Note that parents' albums (usually 20 to 60 pictures) and gift folios are extra and are not included in our "average" photography tab.

Albums

Most photographers offer a wide selection of albums to hold the candids. The best -- and most expensive -- are Art Leather, Leather Craftsman and Capri. These are sold only by professional photographers.

When you shop for a
photographer, you are
buying three basic things:
portraits, candid pictures,
and the photo album.

Art Leather albums (which include the less-expensive Aristohyde and super-expensive leather brands) are guaranteed for life. With Capri or Leather Craftsman albums, the pictures are mounted to the pages, which are permanently bound in the album. Some photographers skimp by using cheap, vinyl albums with plastic-covered pages. Make sure to specify what you want.

Portraits

Pictures taken prior to the wedding day fall into this category. A bridal portrait is a formal portrait of the bride in her wedding gown. Particularly popular in the South, bridal portraits are taken at an indoor studio or "on location," typically four to six weeks before the wedding.

An engagement portrait is a more informal picture of you and your fianc饮 This portrait is often used to announce your engagement in the local paper. Two expenses are involved with portraits: the sitting fee and the portrait itself. Sitting fees are a charge for the photographer's time and range from $50 to several hundreds of dollars. The most popular print size is 16x20 and this can cost $100 to $500, depending on the photographer and city.

Reception: Choosing a DJ or Bandleader

More than any other component, music sets the emotional tone and energy level for both the ceremony and celebration. Whether you envision an intimate, elegant occasion or one where guests dance the night away, the style of music and the type of musicians are key to how your wedding works.

Experienced musicians have ideas about what is and is not appropriate for different parts of your wedding. They are aware of the proper times for musical fanfares and of the preferred kinds of music and songs for the ceremony. Be sure to discuss your own musical preferences.

Beware of bandleaders or DJs
who won't listen to your ideas.
They can be all too ready
to take over your event.

Beware the bandleader or deejay who won't listen to your ideas, or who doesn't return calls. Make sure you're on the same wavelength when it comes to entertainment -- including lighting, pacing, etc.

Don't forget these factors, which will also influence your musical choice:


The feeling you want to create

The time of day, emotional tone and your own style will contribute to this decision.


Your musical preferences

Classical or contemporary. Jazz or blues. Alternative rock or Motown. Do you want big-band swing or something funkier and more danceable?


Your budget

Can you afford romantic, old-fashioned strings or a resounding brass ensemble for the ceremony? For the reception, do you want background music or all-out dance tunes?

Reception: Choosing a Caterer

Before you interview caterers in person, spend a few minutes with one or two on the phone. Many caterers have pre-printed sample party menus that give you an idea of their style and price range.

Pick two or three favorites and make appointments to see them in person. If time is a priority, choose one, interview him or her and decide without seeing others.

Know your caterer by reputation. Check references or get recommendations from friends.

Never hire a temperamental
caterer. There are too many
excellent caterers to risk
working with a prima donna.

Big-name caterers don't always have big-time prices. They may be well-known because they're personable and have great taste and creativity. Caterers all break down costs differently. Some break out individual costs; others provide package prices.

Remember that you're buying three things when you book a caterer:


Food

This means all ingredients along with the purchase, transportation and preparation of the meal.


Equipment

This includes plates, glassware, flatware, linens, serving pieces, tables and chairs. Most caterers will tell you before you purchase a bite of food that you need to pay a minimum cost for equipment, depending on how elaborate you want things. Others will include equipment charges in the overall cost.


Service

This is the cost for wait staff, kitchen help and other servers. This is an area that is not worth skimping on. Whether you're having a lavish buffet or sit-down service, appearance and timing are everything.

Once you have compared the quotes, it's all going to come down to a matter of style. Make sure your caterer is someone you feel comfortable trusting. You will not spend much time with the caterer on your wedding day, but you need to share his or her taste and style.

Above all, don't hire a temperamental caterer. There are too many excellent caterers to risk the headaches of working with a prima donna.

Alternative Reception Ideas

You don't have to have the standard dinner-dance wedding reception. Consider these alternatives:

Try a dessert reception

Instead of a full meal, consider a late-evening wedding with a dessert reception. Top it off with an espresso bar, a sundae bar and other goodies, and you've got a creative reception that'll cost you less than 40 percent of the standard bill. Put on your invitation "dessert reception following" to alert guests that there won't be a full meal.


Go ethnic

Surprisingly, certain ethnic cuisine is an affordable alternative to traditional wedding fare. Chinese, Mexican, Italian and barbecue are crowd-pleasers that cost 20 percent to 30 percent less than fancier, haute cuisine.

Dress up an ethnic buffet with food stations (a taco bar or pasta station, for example) that lend some pizzazz to the meal. Instead of an open bar, tie in affordable alcohol alternatives (a margarita machine for a Mexican buffet, bottles of Chianti for a Italian meal) to save even more money.


Provide your own bar service

In some cases, freelance bartenders are cheaper than the caterer's own staff. If the caterer allows you to have your own bar service (and buy your own liquor), do a cost comparison between the two options. Some caterers may not allow freelance bartenders because of liability concerns.

Reception Planning 101: Basics

What's the biggest expense of a wedding? If you answered the dress or the photography, guess again. It's the reception.

A big 50 percent or more of your wedding budget will go toward the reception -- and that's just the food and drink. Entertainment is extra. We estimate the average reception to cost $8,000.

Where does all that money go? Here's a breakdown:

Facility charges

At some sites, you have to pay a flat fee or an hourly charge to use the facility. A place that lets you use an outside caterer (such as a civic site) will probably charge such a fee. Other sites, such as hotels, let you use the ballroom for free, but you have to use their catering department and spend a minimum amount on food and drink.


Food

You get to buy everything from hors d'oeuvres to dessert. Some caterers will also provide the wedding cake and the groom's cake, if you follow that Southern tradition. The typical method of calculating wedding catering costs is based on a per-guest figure. The cost can be as little as $4 to $6 per guest for a simple "cake, punch and mints" reception. Or, it can get as high as $100 per person for a full sit-down dinner with an open bar.


Drink

Beverages can consume a significant chunk of your catering budget, whether your reception has punch and coffee or a full open bar with premium brands. The charge for beverages depends on what you serve and how the reception site accounts for this. We've heard of at least one hors d'oeuvres reception at a posh hotel that racked up a bar tab of $9,200 for 400 guests. They had a full open bar serving premium liquor, and the bar tab amounted to almost half the $19,000 total cost of the evening!


Labor

Most sites impose a mandatory gratuity of 15 percent to 20 percent. This applies to the food and sometimes the liquor served at the reception. If you serve a buffet that costs $3,000, you must pay as much as $600 extra for the servers, bus boys and other staff.

Other, mostly independent, caterers charge flat per-hour fees per waiter at the event -- usually $10 to $20 per hour per server. No matter what the total tab of your function, you pay only for the number of people actually serving your guests.


Rentals

Certain reception sites may lack tables, chairs, silverware, china, glassware, table linens or other essentials. All these items must be rented and brought to the site. Some caterers have an in-house supply of rentals, while others arrange the needed rentals through an outside company.

Charges for this service vary greatly. Sometimes the caterer will charge you only what the rental company charges them. Other caterers may tack on an extra 5 percent to 10 percent to cover the administrative expense of dealing with the rental company. Some caterers absorb any charges for broken or missing rental items; others hold you responsible for any breakage or damage.

Destination Wedding: Vermont, Beat New York Wedding Prices

New York brides who want to beat New York prices recommend the Inn at Saxton's River, near the town of Brattleborough, Vermont. A wedding reception here runs about one-half to one-third of Manhattan prices, and the inn is just a four- to five-hour drive from the Big Apple.



Wedding facts

Getting married in Vermont is easy: no blood test, no waiting period, you don't even need ID. The only restriction is that out-of-state residents must get a license in the county in which they plan to marry.

Vermont residents must take out a license in the town in which they live but can marry anywhere in the state. The cost is only $16. For more information, call (802) 254-4541.


When to go

Perhaps the most scenic time to visit Vermont is during the fall foliage season from late September through early October. The weather at this time is pleasant but cool, with daytime temperatures in the 50s and 60s. Nighttime lows can dip into the 30s.

The summer is certainly another nice time to go, with temperatures in the 70s and low 80s. Winters can be downright arctic, with temperatures at night dipping near zero.


Insider tips

There are numerous books out there about bed-and-breakfast inns in New England -- you may want to drop by your local library to check out the selection.


Who to call

The Inn at Saxton's River: (802) 869-2110.

Destination Wedding: Vancouver

Wedding facts

British Columbia is one of the easier foreign spots to tie the knot. No blood test or medical exam is needed. The license is $55.

The biggest hitch: a two-day waiting period from the time the license is issued until the ceremony can be performed.



When to go

The weather varies greatly from the coasts to the interior of the province. We visited in late March. Vancouver was comfortable, but Victoria was damp and cold. The best time to visit is from April to September.

August is one of the drier months. Coastal breezes keep summer temperatures moderate, but you should pack a sweater because temperatures can dip at night.


Insider tips

If you drive from Seattle, expect major delays at the border crossing. Vancouver and Victoria have lots of interesting shops, but you'll pay a value-added tax on your purchases.

British Columbia requires a two-day waiting period, so you may want to spend a couple days in Vancouver before tying the knot in Victoria (or vice versa).


Who to call

Tourism British Columbia: (800) 663-6000. Tourism Association of Southwestern British Columbia: (604) 876-3088.

Destination Wedding: U.S. Virgin Islands

Wedding facts

The U.S. Virgin Islands make themselves one of the best Caribbean destinations for getting married. They don't require blood tests, physical exams or residency requirements. The U.S. Virgins simply require a completed marriage application from the bride and groom -- typed and notarized.

Applications must be forwarded to the Territorial Court of the U.S. Virgin Islands (809) 774-7325 at least two weeks before you plan to arrive. Once received, the application takes eight days for processing. During this time, the application is posted for public inspection.

After that, the license can be issued, but you must pick it up in person (unless your wedding planner has been authorized by the court to pick it up for you). There is a $25 fee.


When to go

Everyone wants to escape the cold winter in the United States, so Caribbean rates are highest then. In the summer (roughly from mid-April to mid-December), you can save as much as 40 percent off the winter high-season prices. The best bargains: shoulder season rates in late April and again in November.

What's the weather like? Steady trade winds modify the climate, keeping it from getting too hot in the summer. The rainy season, usually in the fall, has quick and heavy showers late at night or early in the morning. Hurricane season is from June to November.


Insider tips

Many people (especially seasoned travelers) find that St. Thomas is very "touristy" and crowded. Recent crime sprees have given parts of this island a less than stellar reputation. Our advice: Get married here and then quickly leave for a more exciting island.

Nearby St. John's (the smallest of the three U.S. Virgin Islands) is stunning. Two thirds of this laid-back island is a national park. A car is essential to get around on St. Thomas or St. John. Drivers drive on the left side of the road.

While you don't need a passport to visit the Virgins, you do need proof of U.S. citizenship to leave. This can be a passport, driver's license, birth certificate, voter registration card or other proof of citizenship.


Who to call

U.S. Virgin Islands Department of Tourism: (800) USVI-INFO.

Destination Wedding: Turks and Caicos Island, Sugar Sand Beaches & Iguanas

About 30 miles southeast of the Bahamas, the Turks and Caicos are a collection of 30 islands whose laid-back lifestyle and close proximity to the United States make them an interesting wedding destination site. The islands are a British Crown Colony, similar to Bermuda.


Wedding facts


Officially, the Turks and Caicos Islands require a 15-day residency requirement. However, a destination wedding planner told us you can often get by with just three days. Using a wedding planner is advisable for acquiring a wedding license here.


Insider tips

Temperatures in the Turks and Caicos can dip into the 60s in winter. Tropical breezes in summer keep the temperatures from going much above 90.


Most of the lodging on the Turks is no-frills, with the exception of the splashy Club Med resort on Provo. The shopping is not the attraction here, but the scuba diving is reportedly excellent.

If you want to take in the nearby Bahamas, the 700-island chain has some interesting sights. If you visit Nassau, however, you probably should avoid Mondays and Thursdays. That's when the cruise ships dock and release throngs of tourists.


Who to call
For more information, call the Turks and Caicos Tourist Board at (800) 441-4419 or (800) 8-BAHAMAS.

Destination Wedding: Switzerland, Marriage by Ski Chalet or Horse-Drawn Sleigh

The Swiss blend both French and German customs in their weddings. A horse-drawn carriage is a romantic way to get to the ceremony, and a yodel choir is often the perfect musical accompaniment to a Swiss wedding.


Wedding facts

Switzerland requires no residency or waiting period to get married. However, planners we interviewed suggested arriving three days early to get a marriage license and do any last-minute document processing.

Start planning anywhere from three to six months ahead of time, if you want to tie the knot in Switzerland. You'll need that time to do paperwork and fulfill filing requirements. Switzerland recognizes only civil ceremonies.


When to go

Obviously, the skiing is the big attraction. Resorts have high and low seasons in both winter and summer. December 18 through January 6 is high season at many hotels in St. Moritz. Low season is January 6 through February 5.

In the summer, most of July is the low season, while August is high. This may be due to the fact that most Europeans take vacations in August.


Insider tips

Many airlines slash their air fares to Europe in the winter. This savings may far outweigh higher hotel prices. The cheapest destinations usually are London or Amsterdam. You can then get a connecting flight to Switzerland.

Grindelwald, Switzerland, boasts some of the best powder in Europe, as well as a resort town with 50 restaurants. In the summer, check out the Alpine Cheese Excursion festival. Glacier Gorge and Blue Ice Cave are nearby, and the highest railway station in Europe is accessible via a Cogwheel Railway.


Who to call

Swiss National Tourist Office: (212) 757-5944. Grindelwald Tourist Office: (036) 531-212.

Destination Wedding: Scotland, Be Wed at an 800-Year-Old Castle

Wedding facts

Scotland doesn't have a residency requirement, but complex rules and regulations make hiring a professional destination wedding planner a must. There is a three- to four-month filing period for document processing. The cost of a license is 26 pounds (about $45 dollars).

From kilts to bagpipe music, many couples incorporate local traditions when they marry in Scotland. Lute players often provide soft ceremony music while tapestries provide unique backgrounds for wedding photos.


When to go

The best time to visit Scotland is in the late spring or summer. It is always rainy, but the winters are the worst. By comparison, the driest and warmest weather is during June, July and August, which also corresponds to the high tourist season.



Insider tips

Europe is not a cheap place to tie the knot, and Scotland is no exception. Expect to pay at least $2,000 for a simple ceremony, cake, flowers and an on-site coordinator.

For the honeymoon, you can stay in a castle for about $400 a night, while an inn runs about $200.


Who to call

British Tourist Authority: (212) 581-4700. Scottish Tourist Board: (031) 332-2433. Greater Glasgow Tourist Board: (041) 227-5880.

Destination Wedding: Sandal Resorts

Sandal's offers all-inclusive honeymoon packages at 10 resorts in Jamaica, Antigua, St. Lucia and Barbados. You can get married at almost any of their resorts (the exception is the Sandal's in Barbados, where a long residency requirement nixes easy nuptials there).


Wedding facts

One of the best aspects about a Sandal's wedding is that they handle all the paperwork and hassle of getting a marriage license. At least a month prior to the wedding, the resort requests that you send the following information: a cover letter with the name of the hotel, dates of travel, daytime phone numbers, date and time of the wedding, occupations and fathers' names (if not stated on birth certificates).

Jamaica has a 24-hour residency requirement (basically, you must be on the island at least one day before you can get married). Documents needed include the bride and groom's birth certificates, divorce decree or former spouse's death certificate (if previously married), adoption papers or proof of name changes. One plus: You don't have to have originals of those documents -- notarized copies will do.

Antigua and St. Lucia require the same documents, but you have to bring the originals. These islands also have a longer residency requirement of 72 hours.


When to go

Everyone wants to escape the cold winter in the United States, so Caribbean rates are highest then. In the summer (roughly from mid-April to mid-December), you can save as much as 40 percent off the winter high-season prices. The best bargains: shoulder season rates in late April and November.

What's the weather like? Steady trade winds modify the climate, keeping it from getting too hot in the summer. The rainy season, usually in the fall, has quick and heavy showers that may occur late at night or early in the morning. The hurricane season is from June to November.


Insider tips

According to travel-industry insiders, the biggest advantage to Sandals is their all-inclusive packages, which include meals and alcoholic drinks. Insiders tell us the resorts appeal to a younger crowd (mid- to late 20s). Sandals are "very American," said a recent visitor to one of the Jamaican resorts. If you're looking for ethnic ambiance, you may want to look elsewhere.


Who to call

Sandal's Resorts can be reached at (800) SANDALS.

Destination Wedding: Tying the Knot at the Hotel Del Coronado

The Hotel Del Coronado is a 105-year-old living legend. This stately Victorian landmark on Coronado Island (15 minutes across the bay from San Diego) is the ultimate in West Coast luxury and class. Combined with all the tourist attractions in the area, you've got an affordable but fun wedding and honeymoon.


Wedding facts

California is not the easiest or cheapest place to get a marriage license. The state requires a blood test and medical check-up within 30 days of the wedding. A physician and lab technician must sign a health certificate.

You must take the certificate, valid ID and $42 to the marriage license bureau to apply for a license. There is no waiting period, and the license is good for 90 days.

California also offers a "confidential" marriage license. These licenses require no health certificate, but you and your fianc頭ust be living together. The cost is $48. This alternative is quite popular, accounting for half of all marriage licenses issued.


When to go

The busiest tourist season is the summer months. In addition, the Del Coronado told us their busiest conference and convention times run from Labor Day to the middle of December. The slowest time of the year is during December and January.

The summer sees temperatures in the 70s and low 80s. Winter can get quite chilly, with temperatures near 60 in the day and as cold as 45 at night. "June gloom," a period of cloudy and gloomy weather, usually hits after Memorial Day and sometimes lasts until July 4th.

Perhaps the best combination of good weather and sparse crowds would be between Easter and Memorial Day.


Insider tips

In addition to Coronado Island, San Diego boasts several interesting things to do. Visit Old Town with its fun shops and restaurants. There's the world-famous San Diego Zoo in lush Balboa Park and, of course, Sea World.


Who to call

California marriage license bureau: (619) 531-3173 or (619) 531-3146. Hotel Del Coronado: (800) 468-3533 or (619) 435-6611.

Destination Wedding: Golfer's Paradise & 16 Miles of Beaches

Myrtle Beach has 50 (that's right, 50) golf courses. A variety of activities from horseback riding to hiking will keep you busy. And, unlike other parts of the country, the locals are quite friendly.


Wedding facts

Compared with neighboring states, South Carolina's marriage requirements are a breeze. There is no blood test or medical exam. While there is a 24-hour waiting period between the time you get a license and when you can be married, this can be waived by applying for a license ahead of time in writing. The cost is $15.


When to go

Summer in South Carolina can be a steam bath, with temperatures in the 90s. Cooler temperatures and fewer crowds make April and May (after Easter and before Memorial Day) nice months to visit, as well as September and October.


Insider tips

As with other coastal areas along the Atlantic seaboard, hurricane season runs from June through September. Be prepared for rain, especially in the spring and fall.


Who to call

South Carolina Division of Tourism: (800) 346-3634. Myrtle Beach area Chamber of Commerce: (800) 356-3016.

Destination Wedding: Caribbean Water at Mexican Prices

Perhaps the most difficult decision about planning a destination wedding in Mexico is which location to choose. Here's an overview of what we consider the best places to tie the knot: Cancun/Cozumel, Acapulco and Puerto Vallarta.


Cancun/Cozumel

The best thing about Cancun and Cozumel is that you can get Caribbean water at a Mexican price. White-sand beaches, plush resorts, a plethora of water sports -- you get the idea.

Cancun is a young person's resort. A 30-minute flight from Cancun is the island of Cozumel, which has some of the best scuba diving and snorkeling in the country. The leisurely pace stands in contrast to Cancun.


Acapulco

On the Pacific coast, Acapulco is famous for its culture and history. The water and beaches aren't as outstanding as Cancun, but the hotels, private homes and villas are stand-outs. The hustle and bustle here continues well past sunset with a busy night life. Great restaurants overlook the harbor, and the shopping is fantastic.


Puerto Vallarta

This resort town has a totally different feel from Cancun or Acapulco. Cobblestone streets and outstanding restaurants give it an international ambiance, enhanced by the sporty boutiques and great shopping. Take a day trip into the jungle for a mini-safari. On the down side, Puerto Vallarta has only average beaches and water, according to travelers we've interviewed.


Wedding facts

Only civil marriages are legal in Mexico. As for requirements and documentation, each federal district (roughly the equivalent of states) of Mexico has its own rules and regulations. Most of the tourist areas have relaxed marriage-license rules that do not include extensive medical exams.

There is no residency period, but you must have your birth certificate translated and authenticated by a Mexican consulate in the United States.


When to go

High season runs from Christmas through April, with prices at their peak. Perhaps the best time to visit is from November 28 through December 15, when the weather is nice and the premium prices have not kicked in. Other discounts are available in the off season (summer and fall).

As for the weather, the coastal areas boast a tropical climate, with temperatures in the 70s and 80s in winter and 90s in the summer. Each region of Mexico has a different climate, so you may want to research an area before making plans.


Insider tips

We strongly recommend that you use the services of a professional wedding planner or a resort's wedding coordinator to ensure you've complied with all the rules. With all the paperwork and regulations, it takes about six to eight weeks to get a marriage license in Mexico.


Who to call

You can reach the tourism board for Mexico at (800) 44-MEXICO.

Destination Wedding: Hawaiian islands, Maui

Wedding facts

It's pretty easy to tie the knot on Maui. Hawaii has no waiting period or residency rules for marriage licenses. A rubella blood test is required for the bride if she has not been immunized for this disease. The test can be performed anywhere in the United States or Canada.

If you have been immunized, Hawaii will accept a certificate from a U.S. or Canadian doctor. As a side note, the test is waived for brides who are beyond child-bearing age. No health tests are required for the groom.

You must apply for a license in person from a marriage license agent. Call the Department of Health (808) 243-5313 for the latest list of agents. The cost for a license is $16.


When to go

While Maui has really become a year-round destination, high season is still December, January and February. Hotels and beaches are most crowded then. The crowds taper off after high season. A nice time to visit is late April to June. October and November (before Thanksgiving) are also low seasons.


As for the weather, the rainy season is in the winter, especially January and February. Even so, the western part of Maui (where most of the resorts are) only sees about 15 inches of rain a year. A stray shower can hit at just about any time

Summer temperatures are in the 80s, 70s in the winter. Hurricane season, as those in Kauai found out recently, runs from June through November, though storms usually seem to veer away from the islands.


Insider tips

The six-hour plane ride from Los Angeles will tire you out, so expect to spend much of the first day recuperating and acclimating to the time change. If you want to explore the more rustic parts of the island, rent a four-wheel-drive vehicle. Also, you'll need reservations to get into most of the popular restaurants. We relied on our concierge for recommendations and were never disappointed.


Who to call

Maui Visitors Bureau: (800) 892-MAUI. Weddings the Maui Way: (800) 368-6933.