Wedding Invitation-writing 101: Basics

Your wedding invitations are one of the last details you will consider, but they are the first thing your guests will see. They also are one of the big etiquette land mines lying in wait for you -- and they can be a big expense. But before you throw in your calligraphy pen and resolve to e-mail your invites, take heart. Our wedding expert will walk you through the whole process.

The first fearsome etiquette problem most couples have to deal with is how to word their wedding invitations. Etiquette rules for the formal wedding invitation have changed very little this century.

The standard invitation has a maximum of 14 lines of copy. At its most basic, the invitation must lay out who, what, where and when. Here are the nitty-gritty style points that the etiquette gurus recommend.


Names & titles
Names are spelled out fully. Titles, such at Doctor, should also be spelled out. True etiquette states that only medical doctors use the Doctor title, but personally, I think anyone who has studied and put time in either dentistry or veterinarian school should be allowed to use that title, too. The title for a Ph.D. is not used. Military titles should be used, but the etiquette on that is so convoluted, depending on the branch of service, that you should consult either your superior officer or the invitation company for correct usage.


Dates & times
Dates are spelled out. For example, "the fifth of July, nineteen hundred and ninety-seven." Time is also written out. For example: "four o'clock in the afternoon" or "half after four o'clock in the afternoon." "In the afternoon" may be excluded if the invitation is small and the phrase is too much copy for that line.


Addresses
The city and state are always written out in full, and you don't need a zip code. If the street number is only one number, write it out in full also. If it is longer, it may be written numerically: "One Crescent Lane" but "112 Crescent Lane."


Spelling
The word "honour" is spelled in the British fashion for a formal invitation.


Design
Traditionally it's black ink with centered text on white or ivory paper.

For example, a standard formal invitation might read as follows:

Mr. and Mrs. John James Miller
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Tiffany Lynn
to
Mr. Jason Andrew Smith
on Saturday, the fifth of July nineteen hundred and ninety-seven
at half after seven o'clock in the evening
Saint Stephen Catholic Church
Four North Center Street
Saint Louis, Missouri


Family diplomacy
Of course, spelling and dates are the simple part. The minefields crop up when trying to word the invitation to include everyone who wants to be a part of the wedding without destroying the peace.

Your invitation is the first
thing your guests will see of
your wedding -- make it reflect
your style and taste.

Today's couples may come from divorced or blended families, have different ethnic or religious backgrounds, or have other special circumstances surrounding their wedding. Yesterday's tradition of the bride's mother and father paying for everything and giving her away may not apply. In theory, the person or persons who issue the invitations are paying for the wedding and are, therefore, the hosts. In practice, it may not work that way.

Let's take an example: You (the bride) were reared by your father and step-mother. Your father is paying for the wedding. But after you announce your engagement, your biological mother appears on your doorstep so she can revel in the glory of being the mother of the bride. Your fianc駳 mother is also getting in on the act, telling her son that she had better be on the invitation, as well.

What can you do?

Many times, just to avoid more stress, the couple issues the invitation themselves. For example: "Miss Sarah Ellen Jones and Mr. Miles Standish Normal together with their families..."

That diplomatic fudge may not work all the time, but it's a start. Be prepared to negotiate. Remember: Unless one of the etiquette gurus is on your invitation list, you don't need to panic. Just be sensible.


Style
Your invitation is the first clue your guests will get to the style of your wedding. If you are not having an ultra-formal wedding, you don't need an ultra-formal invitation. If you find something that has meaning for you, include it in your invitation. If your wedding has a theme or is more informal, go with something that reflects that taste.


Practicalities
Invitations are ordered in quantities of 25. Always order an extra 25 invitations. Re-orders are very costly. If your invitation list is 123, then order at least 150 invitations. You'll be surprised how your invitation list can grow.

One final word -- always, and I repeat, always take your completed invitation packet to the post office, with all the enclosures, and have it weighed. While you are there, check on oversized letter prices. An oversized invitation will cost more to mail even if it weighs less than the one-ounce limit. It is not a pretty picture to open your mailbox to find all 350 of your invitations marked, in huge red letters, RETURNED FOR POSTAGE.