Making Your Wedding Unique

How can you make your wedding unique? Approach the process as if it were a business project, choosing to devote time to details that interest you and that will make the occasion special.

Every wedding is an exception to the rules.

Be aware that it is easier to stick with the tried-and-true. Breaking the rules takes courage. And yet it's safe to say that every American bride today will alter at least some wedding traditions or relinquish a few of the most recognizable wedding symbols, rather than accept the idea that they must have weddings that follow a single predetermined structure.

The question is which wedding components to change, and which to accept as they are.

Use the following list not as a checklist but as a way to assess which components are worth taking time to change and make unusual and special. As you look at these wedding components, ask whether you prefer to learn enough to make an educated choice of your own, or if you want to leave the decision to someone you trust.


The ceremony

• Guests are ushered to pews or to a less formal arrangement of chairs.
  
• Wedding music -- the prelude -- is played.
  
• Grandparents and other honored guests are ushered down the aisle just before the main processional begins.
  
• Parents of the groom and the mother of the bride are ushered down the aisle. In Jewish weddings and increasing numbers of Christian weddings, parents are part of the processional, and each set walks down the aisle, one with their daughter, the bride, between them, and the other with their son, the groom.
  
• After a pause, the music selected for the processional begins.
  
• The officiant, if he or she is entering alone, enters the sanctuary.
  
• Attendants take their turns in the processional; bridesmaids and groomsmen first (and usually arranged according to height), honor attendants last so they are close to the bride and bridegroom. Attendants can walk singly or in pairs. If the women walk alone, groomsmen may enter the sanctuary with the bridegroom and officiant, or they will all take part in the processional. Flower girl(s) and ring bearer(s) immediately precede the bride.
  
• The bride walks down the aisle, accompanied by her father or parents.
  
• Wedding vows are exchanged according to the customs of the couple and the officiant.
  
• Rings are exchanged, or the bridegroom gives the bride a ring.
  
• Special wedding prayers, readings, music or songs are part of the ceremony with family members and friends participating.
  
• Accompanied by recessional music, the married couple comes back down the aisle followed by attendants and family members.
  
• A receiving line is held as guests leave the church, temple or ceremony site, or at the beginning of the reception.
  

The reception

• The wedding couple is introduced at the reception by the band leader or master of ceremonies, as, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. James Jones," or "Sally and Jim Jones," or "Sally Smith and Jim Jones," which announces to the world that the bride is keeping her surname.
  
• Wedding toasts are offered, beginning with the one given by the best man, then the bride's father, then family and friends, and possibly the bride and bridegroom toast each other.
  
• Wedding food is served.
  
• The wedding couple's first dance takes place.
  
• The wedding cake is cut by the bride and groom, who may feed a piece to each other. The cake is moved to the kitchen to be cut, then served.
  
• The bridegroom removes the bride's garter.
  
• The bride tosses her bouquet.
  
• The bride and bridegroom change into their going-away clothes.
  
• Rice, birdseed or flower petals are tossed as the bridal couple leaves for their honeymoon.
  

The most cursory glance at this list will reveal traditions and procedures most brides want to change. Rice is seldom an issue because very few couples leave for their honeymoon directly from the wedding. Instead, today's couples often party until the last guest leaves, or meet guests the day after their wedding for brunch or to open gifts.

Many brides choose not to toss their bouquets, and some forgo the "me-Tarzan-you-Jane" garter ceremony. The couple who does not want to be introduced with a huge fanfare, for example, should be wary of bandleaders or deejays who will fight this choice.

In another departure from convention, many of today's brides and bridegrooms ask their wedding officiant to make this announcement: "The bride and bridegroom have asked that I tell you that they will not have a formal receiving line. Instead, they will greet their guests throughout their reception."

As for attendants, a recent bride chose her only brother as her "man of honor" and her bridegroom chose his sister as his "best woman."

"Is what we did so common?" the bride later wondered, explaining that no one even mentioned it. The catalyst for such change is a newfound acceptance of tailoring traditions to suit individual situations.

Before discarding or changing every part of your wedding, consider two things: the time and energy it will take you to make appropriate new choices, and how tradition and iconic symbols (the wedding cake, processional, and beautiful gown and veil) are what separate weddings from all other social occasions. The best among them reflect humanity's age-old need for pageantry to mark significant and important events.