Wedding Consultants, Family and Friends

Do you need a wedding consultant to help you plan your wedding? For some women, there are not enough hours in the day, days in the week or months in the year of their engagement to do it all alone. They may have to delegate, or they will never be able to investigate options.

If you need someone to help you get what you want -- or you aren't sure what you want -- then you may want to hire help.

If, on the other hand, you have an awareness of what's available in the market -- and the time and energy to find out -- then you may not need help until the day of the wedding.

But delegate to whom? And at what cost? Your choices are wedding consultants, family and friends. Here's a rundown of which one might be best for you:

Consultants

For the bride with a comfortable budget, experience with managing others and not enough time, there's no better way than to hire professional help. The bride stays in charge. The consultant listens to ideas and finds resources that fit.

Before you delegate to family
and friends, ask yourself
if you can keep business and
friendship separate.

In other words: They do the legwork, you make the decisions.

If this sounds ideal, it is -- for some brides. For others, the investigation and interviewing are half the fun. Some brides welcome the chance to learn about flowers, food, beverage service, music and photography, and wouldn't dream of appointing someone else to do their research.

Then, too, there's the fee. Wedding consultants work in several ways. After you've found someone whose personality fits with yours, how they charge should be among your first conversations.

Some charge by the hour. Others charge a percentage of the overall wedding budget. A few will manage logistics on the wedding day for a flat fee. Many combine these ways of charging. Often, though, wedding planners can save you more than they charge because they know a wide range of resources and sometimes can buy in bulk. They may steer you to places and professionals you might miss on your own.

If you feel you need help, seriously consider hiring a wedding consultant or professional event planner. If nothing else, they can be your surrogate "bad cop."

Family

Mothers have been planning their daughters' weddings for generations. Of course, your mother may have less time than you do. Even so, she may have a favorite florist whose work she admires, or might have been keeping track of bands she's heard at benefits and other weddings.

Most mothers and daughters work well together. But recognizing that there is potential for flare-ups -- and that the world will go on if you disagree -- can put agreement over taste, style and budget in context. Both of you should remember that kindness, patience and tact may be put to the test.

Annie Morrow, 27 at the time of her wedding, says, "I couldn't have done it without my mother. We worked together really well, and she had a lot of great ideas about how to save money and make things look beautiful.

"The day before my wedding, we were putting the centerpieces together and having a lot of trouble. They didn't work, but she wouldn't let me get upset. She never interfered, but she was there to help. Both she and my dad let me make my own choices, or we made choices together."

Friends

Friends can help, too. But before you delegate tasks to anyone, you need to decide whether you trust your potential helper's taste and ability to do research and make decisions. Equally important are your expectations and your ability to make demands on that friend.

Ask yourself: Am I a stickler for details? Will I get angry if something goes wrong? (Remember, something always goes wrong!) Am I able to not let friendship interfere with business, or business with friendship?

Heather, married at 34, says: "Every bride needs a friend who's a good listener, has drop-dead good taste, and knows how things work. She'll know a great caterer and a florist who is easy to get along with and does beautiful work, and a photographer who is a cut above most wedding photographers.

"Because she gets around, she'll know what's happening in weddings and will take the time to point you in the right direction and keep you from making huge mistakes. When I tried on wedding dresses and was considering a ball gown, she said, 'Someone who wears Armani does not want to dress up like Little Bo Peep on her wedding day.' She not only helped, she made me laugh. I couldn't have done it without her."

How do you decide who to choose? It all comes down to time, money and trust. Pay attention to both the practical and emotional aspects of your decision. Remember: It's your wedding, and you have to be happy with the final result.

If you can ensure that by hiring a consultant, do it. If you would feel more comfortable working with family or friends, take that approach. Just be prepared to make your wishes known, surrender control, and enjoy the process.