One of the biggest etiquette problems arises when a couple wants to include a deceased parent's name on the invitation. This is a no-no. Think about it: The person whose name is on the invitation is at least figuratively hosting the party. How can a deceased person invite anyone to anything, let alone pay for the wedding?
This does not mean that a deceased parent cannot be mentioned during the wedding. There are plenty of options. It is perfectly correct, for example, to list the deceased parent in the announcement and wedding program.
The invitation, however, should come from the people hosting and paying for the wedding. They are the ones who need to know how big a cake, how much food, how many tables to confirm, etc. If you are the parents of the bride and want to give mention to the parents of the groom, you can list the groom as "son of" Mr. and Mrs. So and So. This gives mention of the groom's family, while still clearly indicating that the bride's parents are the hosts.
Traditional etiquette may say to mail invitations four weeks in advance, but if guests are coming from out of state, they will welcome six to eight weeks' warning to make travel plans.
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